Decision-Making

The struggle to choose, and to accept the consequence of one’s choice, is a relatively common reason why people begin a course of psychotherapy.

What is actually being decided on may consist of a wide range of possibilities, i.e., romantic relationships, job/career transitions, dynamics or patterns within one’s family-of-origin, children, friends, colleagues, etc.

Either in the context of an internal or external event, the need to make an important decision emerges and may be quite anxiety-provoking. As the status quo is suddenly challenged, the patient may veer between confusion and clarity, between the familiar and the new, between risk and safety.

The circumstances of the choice or decision at stake are often complex, perhaps tied to years or even decades of a style of living or set of preferences that has finally become intolerable or irreconcilable with newly emerging conditions. Frequently, the patient has delayed or denied actually making a decision on the issue for quite some time, finding ways to compromise or dabble in alternative options in order to keep things as they are and to avoid making the wrongdecision.

Surprisingly, for many of my patients, this strategy has worked for some time but does so often at a great cost, i.e., the patient sustains significant emotional turmoil, rising tensions, shame, feelings of betraying oneself and/or loved ones, and mounting moral conflict.

A common occurrence in psychotherapy is the inevitable emergence of other issues that need to be addressed before, or in combination with, the main decision that must be made.

These emerging issues are usually linked to previous choices and decisions the patient has made along the way. As the patient reflects on the trajectory of his or her life course, the significant inflexion points — once evaluated — hold the potential to inform the patient’s current predicament.

Psychotherapy that addresses difficult life decisions, when it is most effective, awards the patient with a more expanded sense of freedom and self-agency. The patient ultimately feels less imprisoned by the fate of choices already made and more able to create a life that is unencumbered.

Visit Dr. Tobin's Office

15615 Alton Parkway
Suite 450
Irvine, CA 92618

Hours
Monday: 8am - 8pm
Tuesday: 8am - 8pm
Wednesday: 8am - 8pm
Thursday: 8am - 8pm
Friday: 8am - 8pm
Saturday: Closed
Sunday: Closed