Dr. James Tobin Ph.D. - Psychologist
Dr. James Tobin’s Psychology Insights & Articles
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Dr. Tobin regularly publishes blog articles and posts information and writings by other authors on various issues including child development and adolescence, parenting, romantic love, men and masculinity, the psychotherapy process, the training and supervision of psychologists, sexual compulsivity and addiction, and organizational culture and change. If there is a topic you would like Dr. Tobin to feature, please email him directly at jt@jamestobinphd.com.
Difficult Conversations in Relationships: Why Couples Avoid Them
Difficult Conversations in Relationships: Why Couples Avoid Them KEY POINTS Couples often struggle not because they have stopped communicating, but because certain important experiences have become increasingly difficult to bring into the relationship. Every long-term...
The Unfinished Self: How Longing Sparks Emotional Growth
Psychotherapy and the Organization of Experience James Tobin, Ph.D. Nothing New Happened Several years ago, a patient whom I will call David came to therapy following the unexpected death of his father. He wanted to understand why his grief felt strangely muted. He...
When the Familiar Becomes Strange
Psychotherapy and the Recovery of Perception James Tobin, Ph.D. Introduction Years ago, while watching Adrian Lyne's 1986 film 9½ Weeks—a controversial and often provocative exploration of erotic desire and power—I was struck by a brief conversation that seemed almost...
Observing the Mind: On Vipassana (Insight) Meditation
Most people have had the experience of getting caught in their own mind. A thought shows up—small, almost forgettable—and then it begins pulling on everything else. One idea leads to another, then another. The body tightens, emotion builds, attention narrows. What...
Why Loving Couples Keep Having the Same Fight
How Intimate Relationships Quietly Re-awaken the Emotional Patterns We Thought We Had Outgrown James Tobin, Ph.D. Part I The Puzzle of Repetition. Why loving couples continue to re-create conflicts they recognize, predict, and sincerely wish would end. One of the more...
Does Couples Therapy Work? What 30 Years of Research Reveals About Relationship Success
Most couples wait years before seeking help—often until resentment, emotional distance, and recurring conflict have become deeply entrenched. The research is clear: couples therapy can work remarkably well, but success depends less on finding a “magic technique” and...
The Psychology of “Otherness” in Relationships
Why Couples Stop Seeing Each Other—and How Curiosity Restores Intimacy James Tobin, Ph.D. Most couples do not lose love first. They lose curiosity. Long-term intimacy depends on the ability to keep discovering the person you think you already know. KEY POINTS Many...
The Psychology of “Attractor States”
A psychodynamic exploration of how emotional suffering becomes organized around recurring attractor states that shape attachment, identity, relationships, and the painful patterns we struggle to escape. James Tobin, Ph.D. There are patients who arrive in psychotherapy...
Mature Intimacy: Developing a Relational Mind
Why Love So Often Collapses Into Certainty — and What It Means to Remain Psychologically Open to Another Person James Tobin, Ph.D. The Gradual Narrowing of Love Most couples do not fail because they are fundamentally incompatible. More often, relationships deteriorate...