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Dr. James Tobin Ph.D. - Psychologist

Podcast

Dr. Tobin’s digital offerings include the following:

 

  • The RELATIONSHIP UNCONSCIOUS PODCAST features free, brief audio presentations by Dr. Tobin on relationship dynamics among couples, between parents and children, and in the workplace.
  • The SEMINAR SERIES provides access to recordings of previous meetings of the Men’s Group Seminar and the Relationship Group Seminar, two ongoing psychoeducational groups facilitated by Dr. Tobin.
  • The VIDEO SERIES consists of webinars on the psychology of relationships.

RELATIONSHIP UNCONSCIOUS PODCAST

Many people experience unnecessary struggles in their romantic relationships because they unconsciously rely on primitive bonding strategies (“attachment”) rather than on “erotic” forms of relatedness characterized by an uncensored expression of self, firm boundaries, and divestment from compliance.
“Inflexion” is the psychological capacity necessary to subvert one’s unconscious repetition of prior relational injury and trauma in current and future romantic relationships. It involves the recognition of roles and relational dynamics one consistently experiences and the desire to withdraw from all that is “familiar.” With this perspective, all acts of personal change are viewed as originating in the alienation and deconstruction of one’s identity.
Under certain conditions, a romantic relationship based on strong sexual and emotional attraction may devolve into unconscious role assignments in which a woman acts in a maternalistic fashion toward her previously competent and autonomous partner. Each partner contributes to this insidious transition as the couple’s diminishing sexual life signals the arrival of previously unresolved emotional injuries.
Narcissistic tendencies are the result of psychological defenses employed early in development when the child’s need for empathic reflection and mirroring was frustrated. Consequently, the adult narcissist relates to significant others in a characteristic pattern. Across five phases, the narcissist unconsciously attempts to pursue highly valued significant others then, through tactics of degradation and devaluation, seeks to extract their individuality and convert them into adoring mirrors.
Many people experience unnecessary struggles in their romantic relationships because they unconsciously rely on primitive bonding strategies (“attachment”) rather than on “erotic” forms of relatedness characterized by an uncensored expression of self, firm boundaries, and divestment from compliance.
Due to our need to bond and early developmental experiences of tolerating the limitations of caregivers, denial is common in adult romantic relationships. But once denial is overcome, an important psychological capacity called “mystification” may evolve. Through the mystification process, unconscious narratives necessarily change. The film “Leaving Las Vegas” illustrates the role mystification plays in personal transformation and the discovery of new channels of intimacy.
Emotional injuries suffered in relationships early in development set up the unconscious motivation to repeat and enact similar experiences of conflict, rejection, and trauma across the lifespan. Relationships are not “fated” by some spiritual force but rather by the uncanny psychological drive to seek out persons who are likely candidates to fulfill our own particular narrative of malignant love.
Seeing things as they are in an essential concept in Buddhist philosophy and psychology, as well as Freudian theory. So much emotional turmoil, what is known as suffering in Buddhism, is due to the tendency to withdraw from and deny the true nature of things, what Freud called the configuration of reality.
Adrian Lyne’s 1986 film “9 1/2 Weeks” depicts the disturbing sadomasochistic relationship between “John” (Mickey Rourke) and “Elizabeth” (Kim Basinger), two characters destined to form a treacherous union. Elizabeth’s unconscious relational template, formed by prior relational trauma and sustained by her own neurobiology, makes it almost impossible for her to extricate herself. Ultimately, a painter reveals to Elizabeth the reality of her being “hooked.”
As a psychotherapist, guilt is one of the most common emotional experiences my patients grapple with. Guilt is commonly viewed as the feeling that emerges when you’ve done something wrong when you’ve made a mistake or not acted as you would have hoped or done something that violates your own moral values. But this is a rather limited perspective on guilt that misses the greater potential guilt may serve in one’s mental life. In this brief presentation, I will attempt to shed light on how guilt can be used more productively if it is approached as an emotion that cues the onset of positive change.
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SEMINAR SERIES

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01 - Strategies for Responding to Manipulative and Narcissistic People

The developmental origins of narcissistic and codependent tendencies are explored by Dr. Tobin in this live interactive seminar. Attachment dynamics in the early child-caregiver bond are related to the manipulative tactics employed in adult relationships by persons who are narcissistically vulnerable.

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02 - Reenactment

Prior traumatic relational experience is re-experienced and re-enacted in adult romantic relationships. The mind sequesters incomprehensible experience in dissociation; yet what is dissociated remains alive and determines the nature of experience.

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03 - "Emplotment" Pathways

Emplotment refers to the philosophical and psychological view that experience is destined, that the mind seeks and/or creates situations that confirm what had always been assumed. In this way, emplotment pathways obstruct “change sequences” that carry with them the potential for assimilation of new ideas.

 

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04 - Locus Poenitentiae

Latin for “a place of repentance or for changing one’s mind,” locus poenitentiae is a term usually applied to contract law but Dr. Tobin uses it as the foundation of a psychological capacity involved in shifting out of states of denial and self-deception. All of us are conditioned by many inputs across our lifespan that unconsciously motivate us to see ourselves and others in distorted and biased ways. If an “untruth” emerges and can be tolerated, personal transformation may ensue.

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VIDEO SERIES

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The Fear of Growing Up

In this video presentation, Dr. Tobin describes the ambivalence of transitioning from adolescence into young adulthood. Both the teen and the parent are influenced by the psychological forces of collusion in which the family system resists change and growth.

 

Watch Now – The Fear of Growing Up

 

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The Four Tiers of Relational Engagement Between Parent and Child

As the child moves through development into adolescence and young adulthood, the separation / individuation process requires of parents significant shifts in how they interact with their child. In this webinar, Dr. Tobin describes four tiers of relational engagement corresponding to these shifts.

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The Five Phases of a Relationship with a Narcissist

Scientific research indicates the prevalence of narcissistic tendencies is on the rise. The adult narcissist emotionally negotiates romantic relationships in a destructive pattern that is designed not to control or gain power over others, as is commonly thought, but to extract the intolerable value of others. Across five phases, narcissists unconsciously pursue a person of value they seek to destroy.

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