Emotional IQ | Interpersonal Skills

Referrals to my practice often center on a person’s need to identity, understand and address feedback received concerning problems of emotionality and/or sensitivity in relationships.

Usually, but not always, the individual seeking help is a man who, despite being successful in other areas of his life, has struggled in his relationships. Feedback from those close with him and from intimate romantic partners revolves around an inability to have and/or experience emotions and to be empathically connected and attuned to the emotional experiences and needs of others.

For many of these patients, these issues contribute to substantial communication breakdowns that occur either in the expressingor listeningrealm of communication, or both. Often, at important moments with a romantic partner or in situations that demand clear expression and astute listening skills, the patient loses focus, becomes blocked in speaking, and is unaware of what to do or how to proceed.

In my clinical experience with these patients, what is paradoxical is that they are often individuals who are quite compassionate, have a complex and vibrant inner life, and care about the important people in their lives. Moreover, their difficulty in reaching out to, and connecting with, their loved ones can be very frustrating for them because it defies explanation. And while anxiety in certain situations is indeed relevant, i.e., turbulence or confrontation with another is difficult or intolerable, resulting in an almost dissociative experience of floating out of or away from the encounter, anxiety is often not the sole or even primary reason why the patient freezes.

Therapy may be quite helpful for patients who struggle with these issues, but usually in unexpected ways.

While the patient typically presents for treatment seeking skill development to fill in gaps of sensitivity and interpersonal attunement, what tends to promote a positive outcome involves the patient’s immersion in the therapeutic experience and exposure, both implicitly and explicitly, to the therapist’s impersonal style and communication skills. The patient witnesses the therapist’s intellectual, emotional, and relational efforts at understanding what he (the patient) is feeling and experiencing. The patient also absorbs the process by which the therapist attempts to comprehend the emotional reality of significant others in the patient’s life. These two fields of activity on the part of the therapist are gradually absorbed by the patient, becoming templates that buffer, potentiate, and advance the patient’s own communication and interpersonal capacities.

Visit Dr. Tobin's Office

15615 Alton Parkway
Suite 450
Irvine, CA 92618

Hours
Monday: 8am - 8pm
Tuesday: 8am - 8pm
Wednesday: 8am - 8pm
Thursday: 8am - 8pm
Friday: 8am - 8pm
Saturday: Closed
Sunday: Closed