In the current landscape of ghosting and passive-avoidant approaches to conflict resolution, the prevalence of grudges is increasing. It is a phenomenon common among all ages and is apparent in interpersonal relationships as well as within and between groups and organizations. While research suggests that holding grudges is more common among women, significant portions of male samples also hold grudges. The psychology of grudges is complex and cannot be understood with a singular theoretical framework. Most experts observe that grudges result from a sequence of events in which a conflict between two parties causes an emotional injury. The injury is usually related to an unmet expectation in the relationship, and, interestingly, the expectation is rarely ever communicated. Given this, grudges exist in a context of assumptions and uncertainty regarding intent, i.e., grudges emerge whether one party was hurt by another intentionally or not. Moreover, grudges are often silent, with the recipient of the grudge rarely being made aware of what is happening. Feelings of despair and persistent ruminative anger, the hallmark features of grudges, are shared by both the holder and recipient of the grudge. While most experts perceive grudges as the opposite of forgiveness (“non-forgiveness”) and focus on the physical and mental damage that a grudge causes, some writers argue that there are healthy grudges and that grudges may serve to shape meaning, affirm identity, and establish moral clarity (i.e., you are right and the other is wrong).  In the next virtual meeting of the Men’s Group Seminar on Saturday, March 19, 2022 (10:15 to 11:30 AM), we will explore the psychology of grudges. Our discussion will consider the connection between grudges and forgiveness, the role of self-compassion, and how to avoid holding a grudge in the first place. We will also explore ways to respond if you are the recipient of a grudge.

* Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the next virtual meeting of the Men’s Group Seminar on Saturday, March 19, 2022, 10:15 to 11:30 AM, please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com no later than Thursday, March 17, 2022. The fee is $25.00 (payable before entering the virtual meeting) and informed consent for participation in this telehealth event must be completed prior to the seminar. Please note that the Men’s Group Seminar is psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and does not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.