The contemporary cultural landscape is arguably narcissistic, i.e., fundamental aspects of the human condition (such as vulnerability, weakness, imperfection) are opposed and concealed by a value system that, instead, emphasizes success, power and strength. The self-help industry has capitalized on the social pressure not only to self-improve, but to self-improve radically. This has led numerous writers and social experts to identify a growing trend of “toxic growth” in which the desire to improve oneself can become obsessive and counter-productive. In his podcast episode “Toxic Growth: Why Needing Endless Growth Is Stopping You from Truly Living,” David Tian, Ph.D. suggests that the neurotic need for personal growth and self-improvement is often motivated by a “core insecurity”; while goals and effortful living are important, he argues that a balance between self-acceptance and self-improvement should ultimately be the focus.

Others observe a rise in perfectionism, a close cousin to toxic growth. Maladaptive perfectionism is a personality trait that includes a profile of unrealistic expectations of oneself, fear of failure, and the compulsive drive to achieve. Marked by a triad of inflexibility, rumination, and overactivity, unhealthy perfectionism may take one of three distinct forms (self-oriented, other-oriented or socially prescribed) and is generally associated with negative impacts on one’s time management, relationships, and stress levels.

In the next in-person meeting of the Men’s Group Seminar on Saturday, December 9, 2023 (10:15 to 11:30 AM), we will discuss how the drive to become better can evolve into obsessive self-improvement and unhealthy perfectionism. We will explore how boys and men are especially vulnerable to these issues given how, in masculine development, experiences of shame and self-scrutiny are so common and rarely processed, even in adulthood. Never feeling satisfied with who one is and the choices that have organized one’s life is, unfortunately, a key feature of modern men’s psychology. We will consider pathways to stabilizing and bolstering self-esteem that avoid the self-improvement trap.

To register for this upcoming seminar, please see the directions below.

* Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the in-person meetings of the Men’s Group Seminar and/or the Relationship Group Seminar on December 9, 2023, please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com on or before Thursday, December 7, 2023. The fee is $30.00 for each seminar and informed consent for participation must be completed. Seminars are held at 15615 Alton Parkway, Suite 450, in Irvine, CA. Please note that the Men’s Group Seminar and the Relationship Group Seminar are psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and do not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.