A common issue among many of my clients is the rather frustrating experience of being misunderstood. This encompasses a gamut of situations ranging from nonverbal miscues, having statements or actions misinterpreted, problematic first impressions, and being projected upon in ways that ultimately result in exaggeration or distortion. Heidi Grant Halvorson, a researcher who investigates social perception, opens her talk “Why No One Understands You (And What to Do About It)” with the assertion that “You are a lot harder to understand than you think you are.” In her fascinating book, No One Understands You and What To Do About It, Halvorson attempts to make sense of the phenomenon of being misunderstood. She discusses scientific evidence indicating that the ways we perceive ourselves (and the impressions we think we are making) are often significantly different from how we are actually perceived. The transparency illusion, as described in an article from The Atlantic on Halvorson’s work, suggests that people often assume they come across as an “open book” and, consequently, may not exert effort toward offering a clear, unambiguous communication to another party. Not only do we assume that people “read” us more accurately than they do, but how we are perceived and interpreted by others is often flawed. Interpretive errors are especially rampant in the nonverbal realm (i.e., drawing meaning from facial gestures and body language), as people are prone to adopting numerous shortcuts (“heuristics”) in social perception that may result in significant errors. Learning how to access and identify people’s “filters” (i.e., how they perceive the world, in general, and you, in particular) is an important competency that communications experts highlight. Interestingly enough, awareness of how we are viewed and interpreted by others was a primary goal of psychotherapy defined by Freud nearly 100 years ago. In the next virtual meeting of the Men’s Group Seminar on Saturday, July 17, 2021 (10:15 to 11:30 AM), we will explore the dynamics of being misunderstood. In our discussion, we will consider intriguing components of social perception including “dark spots” and communication difficulties linked to “mixed signals.”

*Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the next virtual meeting of the Men’s Group Seminar on Saturday, July 17, 2021, 10:15 to 11:30 AM, please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com no later than Thursday, July 15, 2021.  The fee is $25.00 (payable before entering the virtual meeting) and informed consent for participation in this telehealth event must be completed prior to the seminar. Please note that the Men’s Group Seminar is psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and does not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.