The choice to become exclusive and shift into a committed relationship is ideally the natural progression of a budding relationship with few if any “red flags.” Realistically, however, the decision to invest in a partner for the long-term is highly personal and complex, frequently tinged with ambivalence and uncertainty, and often made on a gut level, i.e., by trusting one’s instinct. Unfortunately, scientific research identifies numerous problems with instinctual decision-making, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Individual bias, unresolved psychological and emotional issues from prior relationships, overlooking or denying inevitable areas of conflict, and unexpressed or ambiguous communications about personal needs and life goalsare just a few of the factors that may set relationship partners down a trajectory of conflict, unfulfillment, and, potentially, break-up. The question arises, then: how does one apply rational analysis to the deeply personal and emotionally laden inflexion point of committing to a partner or moving on? This is a common issue for clients in my clinical practice, especially those who have had previous long-term relationships that have ended.

In the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, February 4, 2023 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will explore the factors involved when deciding to form a committed relationship with a partner. Nuanced differences in how exclusivity is defined and approached will be discussed. We will also consider opposing perspectives on the notion of compatibility: some believe that the four distinct zones of compatibility are essential for long-term relationship success while others argue that compatibility is merely an illusionthat has little to do with long-term love. Next, the subject of partner selection will be broached, with an emphasis on the compatibility and filtering processes proposed by “tie-up theory.” Finally, we will unpack the viewpoint of one couples therapist who emphasizes that the primary issue is not so much who we love, but how we love.

*Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, February 4, 2023, 11:45 AM to 1:00 PM, please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com no later than Thursday, February 2, 2023. The fee is $25.00 (payable before entering the virtual meeting) and informed consent for participation in this telehealth event must be completed prior to the seminar. Please note that the Relationship Group Seminar is psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and does not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.