The notion of relationship “dynamics” is perhaps the most misunderstood and underemphasized component of romantic love and long-term committed relationships. In over 20 years of working therapeutically with couples in distress, understanding and dis-embedding partners from the dynamics within which they have become entrenched ultimately becomes my most significant clinical task. Unfortunately, many couples, and the clinicians who encounter them, do not prioritize a close analysis of these relational dynamics, their insidious origin and evolution, and their destructive potential. In the next in-person meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, August 5, 2023 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), I will offer a primer on what relational dynamics are and how they inadvertently and often unconsciously are reinforced by partners largely unaware of the need to resist them.

Fundamentally, dynamics are patterned thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that evolve in relationships after attempts by one partner to change the other have been consistently thwarted. The desire to “change” one’s partner is a universal aspect of the human condition stemming from the need to create in the other a persona with distinct, highly stylized attributes that carry deep psychological meaning. Inevitably, one’s partner resists these efforts; as this resistance occurs, a dynamic arises. Like “The Matrix” film franchise, once the dynamic originates and contours, it becomes the subtext dominating the couple and commandeering the roles and value systems within their relationship. If the partners cannot detach themselves from the perpetuating dynamic, intimacy in its most basic form (i.e., engaging with, and being engaged by, a partner authentically and freely, without psychological conditions) inevitably dies. In our seminar, these ideas will be elaborated and the nature in which dynamics impact all social systems will be enumerated. We will also, of course, consider pathways out of the matrix.   

*Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the next in-person meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, August 5, 2023, 11:45 AM to 1:00 PM, please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com no later than Thursday, August 3, 2023. The seminar will be held at 15615 Alton Parkway, Suite 450, in Irvine, CA.  The fee is $30.00 and informed consent for participation must be completed prior to the seminar. Please note that the Relationship Group Seminar is psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and does not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.