Anecdotally, many of my therapy clients discuss their experiences with online dating with considerable disdain. They cite awkward coffee dates, frequently being ghosted, compulsive “window shopping,” and the continued presence of a “hook-up vibe” on many apps, a reputation once associated only with Tinder. Still, there is the occasional story of a committed relationship with digital origins. For the most part, however, I find there to be a fair amount of apprehension about – if not a clear resistance to – engaging in online dating. This sentiment seems to reflect the predominate opinion that online dating apps and services such as Hinge, Match, and Bumble exist for a host of reasons, none really having to do with helping people find true love. To gain more of an understanding of online dating and the success of relationships resulting from it, I surveyed the scientific and social commentary literature. In the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, May 7, 2022 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will have the opportunity to discuss my findings.

On the one hand, what I found paints a dark picture. Research indicates numerous dangers involved in online dating, including the emergence of psychological distress among users, self-esteem problems resulting from repeated explicit or implicit rejections, and “the paradox of choice” (i.e., too many options often proving to be counter-productive if not damaging). In addition, some people may be especially prone to the compulsive use of dating apps, leading one writer to refer to these apps as a “digital dose of social crack.” Further, scientific findings link online dating with both social anxiety and sexual addiction. Recent data compiled by the Pew Research Center noted the potential for exposure to harassment and other egregious behaviors on apps and dating sites, especially among young female users. On the other hand, the longitudinal research of Stanford sociologist Michael J. Rosenfeld suggests many advantages of online dating, chronicles the popularity of dating apps especially among minority groups, and identifies the internet’s emergence as the single most common way people of all ages meet and begin dating. In an interview conducted by Here & Now, Bumble CEO Whitney Wolfe along with Rosenfeld describe how the “information gathering” and “access” components of internet dating and apps are significant advantages of digital social connection. Finally, the Washington Post article “Why is it so hard to turn a Tinder date into a relationship?” and Thought Catalog’s “A Defense and A Critique of Online Dating” offer balanced first-hand accounts authored by women who have used dating apps.

*Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, May 7, 2022, 11:45 AM to 1:00 PM, please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com no later than Thursday, May 5, 2022. The fee is $25.00 (payable before entering the virtual meeting) and informed consent for participation in this telehealth event must be completed prior to the seminar. Please note that the Relationship Group Seminar is psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and does not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.