Toxic forms of control represent a subgroup of manipulation tactics that are actually quite common in relationships. One person attempts to limit or constrict another’s person freedom and independence through numerous means such as gaslighting, ambushing, and guilt-induction, among others.  These tactics constitute overt forms of control that are usually intentional, are generally employed by individuals with narcissistic qualities, and paradoxically result in a de-valuing of the person targeted. That is, as these overt forms of control persist and begin to have their intended effect, the person seeking control no longer desires whom he or she has come to control. In contrast, covert forms of control involve much more subtle, unconsciously motivated, actions and attitudes that center on attracting the person who is desired and insuring they will not leave. Covert control is usually a tactic employed by codependent (as opposed to narcissistic) persons whose personal histories often involve significant assaults to one’s self-esteem, leading to the ill-fated belief that to be loved simply for who one is will always be an impossibility. In the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, September 5, 2020 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will identify and distinguish overt and covert forms of control in relationships and consider ways in which both the impulse to control, and to be controlled, may be overcome.

* Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on September 5, 2020, 11:45 AM to 1:00 PM, please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com at your earliest convenience. The fee is $25.00 (payable before entering the virtual meeting) and informed consent for participation in this tele-health event must be completed prior to the seminar. Please note that the Relationship Group Seminar is psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and does not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.