In social discourse, the notion of settling is often used in a negative light, i.e., to suggest foreclosing on the search for “true love” for something less, perhaps motivated by the pressure to move on with other goals and milestone events including, perhaps, starting a family or securing financial stability. Settling is associated with unfulfilling or even toxic relationships in which red flags about one’s partner are denied or ignored, and the low self-esteem of the one settling is seen as the factor responsible for the inability to end the relationship. Some experts have even proposed that the partner with whom one settles may represent the best solution to prior relationship difficulties (for example, if a person has been abandoned by previous lovers, he or she may select a partner who would never leave). The choice of this partner indeed solves one problem but bypasses other components of long-term relationship satisfaction. There is, however, the emerging view that settling may not be all that bad. The natural decline of dopamine surges after the honeymoon phase of coupling suggests that desiring more may be more aptly supplanted with, “ ‘Is what I have good enough?’ ” Another perspective raised by a relationship therapist argues that the fear of settling is linked to the tendency to become complacent in our relationships. This view suggests that consistently advocating for one’s needs is an important competency and that our concerns about our partner’s limitations may be more indicative of our own weaknesses and imperfections. Finally, a first-hand account of the rather tepid evolution of a relationship challenges preconceived notions of one’s “ideal partner.” In the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, January 21, 2023 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will explore these dynamics of settling and related concepts including compromise, negotiation, and acceptance.

*Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, January 21, 2023, 11:45 AM to 1:00 PM, please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com no later than Thursday, January 19, 2023. The fee is $25.00 (payable before entering the virtual meeting) and informed consent for participation in this telehealth event must be completed prior to the seminar. Please note that the Relationship Group Seminar is psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and does not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.