Passive aggression is a relatively common defense mechanism and interpersonal/relational communication strategy, so common in fact that the psychiatric community has proposed a Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder (a diagnosis that has never been formally implemented). Originally conceptualized as a term used to describe the opposition of American soldiers to their commanders, passive aggression entered the psychological vernacular and ultimately the popular culture. Passive aggression involves the indirect expression of anger, hostility or resistance, often through forms of inaction (e.g., lateness, “stonewalling,” missing deadlines, giving the “silent treatment”) rather than action. Experts observe that passive-aggressive behavior is more likely unintentional (unconsciously motivated) rather than intentional. It is generally quite effective in communicating concealed aggression to the target, avoiding direct conflict, and establishing a degree of manipulative control, all of which serve to reinforce the behavior. The negative impact of ongoing passive aggression in close intimate relationships as well as in the workplace and other social contexts is significant: trust erodes, frustration mounts as those who are the recipients of the passive-aggressive behavior often do not know how to address it, and cyclical patterns may arise in which passive-aggressive behavior promotes direct or indirect “counter-aggression.”

There are numerous perspectives on the origins and causes of passive aggression. One perspective views passive aggression as a learned behavior modeled by members of one’s family of origin. Within hierarchical systems such as the family system, the powerless child’s efforts at negotiating conflict and expressing emotion may have been largely unsuccessful, leading to problems of “ineffective self-assertion.” Passive aggression arises as a consequence.

In the next in-person meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, May 6, 2023 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will discuss the dynamics of passive aggression in relationships. We will pay particular attention to recommendations on how to respond to passive-aggressive behavior directed toward you, as well as ways in which you can overcome your own passive-aggressive tendencies. Finally, we will consider the under-emphasized form of passive-aggression that is directed toward oneself, a dynamic often manifested in under-achievement and self-sabotage.

*Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the next in-person meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, May 6, 2023, 11:45 AM to 1:00 PM, please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com no later than Thursday, May 4, 2023. The seminar will be held at 15615 Alton Parkway, Suite 450, in Irvine, CA.  The fee is $30.00 and informed consent for participation must be completed prior to the seminar. Please note that the Relationship Group Seminar is psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and does not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.