Polarization refers to an unconscious interpersonal dynamic in which particular desires, preferences, views and/or emotions become unequally dispersed across the members of a couple, group or community. The phenomenon is insidious, common, and often shocking in terms of how powerful the dynamics are that it yields. For example, in the early phase of an emerging romantic relationship, one partner may occupy the role of the “pursuer,” i.e., wanting to spend more and more time together, asking for more frequent and deeper communication, perhaps even wanting to move in together, while the other partner occupies the role of the “distancer,” i.e., opposing these bids for connection, pushing back, attempting to preserve time spent apart. Once the polarization gains traction, it often intensifies so much so that the gap between the partners widens to the point of irreconcilability. The partners become caricatures of and for each other, with each inevitably being unable to see, understand or accept the perspective of the other. Once this occurs, the relationship is likely doomed. What is surprising is that, psychologically, polarization serves an important function in any relationship or larger system in which it appears: instead of having to feel everything equally, one person “specializes” in harboring certain emotions and perspectives while another person specializes in harboring others. Scapegoating, favoritism, infidelity, racism, self-sabotage, divorce, and narcissism are just some of the many significant problems and issues that feature polarization. In the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, March 20, 2021 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will explore how polarization originates and progresses in romantic relationships. The approach-avoidance dynamic will be one of several paradigms of polarization we will consider. Our discussion also will unpack a specific vulnerability in intimate relationships that supports the emergence of polarization: our universal susceptibility to receiving and embodying the projections of others.

* Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, March 20, 2021, 11:45 AM to 1:00 PM, please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com no later than Thursday, March 18, 2021. The fee is $25.00 (payable before entering the virtual meeting) and informed consent for participation in this telehealth event must be completed prior to the seminar. Please note that the Relationship Group Seminar is psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and does not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.