Couples Therapy

Dr Tobin works closely with couples at many different phases of their relationships to resolve challenges many couples are currently experiencing.

New Couple Therapy

Some couples approach the practice because they are considering getting married or making a more serious commitment to each other. They use therapy as a place to discuss their ideal plans for their lives together and to address any concerns that they have in order to best ensure that their relationship continues to grow and to thrive as they take this next step.

Couples therapy can give you a chance to talk together about your values, religious/spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof), desire (or not) to have children and how you might want to raise your children (if they are desired), where you might like to live, or how to divide roles and responsibilities. You can decide together how to handle finances and address any lingering or anticipated concerns regarding extended family and friends.

If one or both of you have children from a previous relationship, we can discuss ways to ease the transition for your children. Dr. Tobin will also focus on how you communicate with one another and how you connect with each other emotionally, physically and sexually. The goal is to give you the best chance possible of having a long, happy and fulfilling life together.

Couples In Crisis Therapy

Couples also seek help when they are at a crisis point or are seriously considering divorce. Sometimes the relationship has suffered due to many of the stressors listed above, which ultimately reaches a breaking point for one or both partners. Maybe one or both partners feel disconnected and lonely. At times partners get so angry with each other that they do not know how to begin to talk about the problem effectively with each other. Maybe situations have occurred that they are unable or unwilling to forgive. Sometimes the passion, sexual, physical or emotional intimacy disappears. In addition, people may cheat on each other or have affairs in order to look for what they need elsewhere, to explore their options, or to “get even”. This can lead to lies, and to the other partner’s feeling angry, hurt and betrayed. Even people who strongly profess their love for each other can sometimes say or do very hurtful things to each other emotionally, physically or sexually.

When your relationship is at a breaking point, psychotherapy can help each of you to clarify what has gone wrong in the relationship. Dr. Tobin can assist you in figuring out whether or not you want to work towards repairing the ruptures in it. If you both decide that the relationship is worth saving, we can help you to rebuild it in a way that is hopefully better and stronger than it ever was before.

Serving the Orange County and Newport Beach area, Dr. Tobin welcomes all couples, including heterosexual and GLBT couples, interfaith couples and interracial couples, and respects and appreciates the wide range of religions, ethnicities, sexual orientations, ages, cultures and backgrounds of the couples that are seeking psychotherapy help.

The Most Common Reasons Couples Seek Couples Therapy

The decision to pursue couples therapy is often simultaneously stressful and relieving. Research indicates that by the time couples contact a potential therapist, problems in the relationships have persisted for at least several years, if not longer. Simply arranging the first appointment may provide some hope that positive change is possible with the help of an objective third party whose expertise is in identifying, and altering, problematic dynamics in relationships.

However, the prospect of meeting with a therapist, unveiling the problems in your relationship, and being open to feedback and suggestions may seem, understandably, rather daunting.

The most common reasons couples pursue the help of a therapist, as indicated in the scientific literature as well as my own clinical practice, include the following:

• poor communication and conflict resolution skills | emotional avoidance
• diminished emotional and/or sexual intimacy (often related to increasing arguments, unresolved conflict, and frustration in not being able to get each other’s needs met in the relationship)
• perceived inequities in role expectations and responsibilities
• perceived emotional and/or psychological abuse (e.g., narcissistic/co-dependent dynamics; “traumatic bonding”)
• suspected or actual infidelity
• positive (e.g., birth of a child) and/or negative (e.g., diagnosis of a serious physical illness; job loss) life events and stresses
• conflict with in-laws
• post-divorce family challenges (i.e., blended family issues; step-parents and step-children issues; co-parenting)
• pre-marriage considerations (what issues or problems need to be ironed out before making a life-long commitment)
• “sink or swim” situations, i.e., after years of persistent conflict, both partners want couples therapy to determine if they should find a way to stay together or if separation/divorce would be the better alternative

Read More:

1. Why Most Couples Therapies Fail
2. The Key Components of Successful Couples Therapies
3. My Approach
4. What Couples Who Enter My Practice Can Expect